Sunday 29 March 2015

The word 'respect' is bandied about thoughtlessly today.  The Oxford English Dictionary defines 'respect' as 'due regard for the feelings and rights of others', but often the words 'respect' and 'fear' become synonymous in people's minds.  It's not only gangsters who equate the two, but also authoritarian parents, too many teachers, and for those in many places of employment.
In reality, respect and fear are opposites.  You can't truly respect someone you fear.  You might envy their power but fear permits no 'due regard for the feelings and rights of others'.


A common cry today is:
"Kids have no respect for teachers anymore!", as if respect for a teacher is a given, but not necessarily for the pupils.  I respect everyone, unless they earn my disrespect with their words or actions.  However, I don't automatically respect particular positions in society.  I never expected my pupils to respect me more than I respected them.
In good schools, mutual respect is endemic.  In bad schools, respect is demanded for some but not others.


The issue of respect is a huge one.  I might return to the topic when the subject of self-respect arises.
The playwright Henrik Ibsen said:
"You cannot properly respect others until you respect yourself"
But that's for another day.

Sunday 22 March 2015

"Sex education in the UK".  What a joke it would be if it weren't so tragic.  Still too many parents do not inform their children well enough and honestly enough when it comes to sex.  It is reprehensible for a parent to say, as many do:
"I feel too embarrassed to talk about sex."


All parents have a duty to answer their children's questions about sex in an honest and unemotional way.  Giving children truthful answers to their questions will often have no impact on a child who is old enough to be inquisitive but not old enough to understand the answer.  However, when they reach an age when your answer does make sense, at least they can say:
"My parents didn't lie to me when I asked that question years ago."


Many parents imagine that giving information about sex will lead to sexual indulgence and promiscuity.  Quite the reverse is true.  Dutch children are very well informed about sex from a young age and the levels of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases are very low in The Netherlands. Whereas the UK is amongst the highest levels.  Ignorance leads to all kinds of disasters.


As for sex education in schools in the UK, it is beyond a joke.  In an ideal world, questions about sex (or for that matter, anything) could be answered by any adult in any school at any time.
The UK could go towards that by placing sex education firmly on the curriculum, so that, like Maths and English, it is compulsory for all pupils in all schools.  It could then be taught and dealt with openly and thoroughly, including vital information on STDs.


On a lighter note, I recall the story of a boy who returned from school one afternoon and said to his mother:
"We had a sex education lesson today.  Unfortunately, it was only the theory!"

Sunday 15 March 2015

Last week, the results of a major, 35 year study by Cambridge University have revealed children who flourish best as adults are those who have had 'families that provide love, security and support', regardless of the family structure.  In other words, whether the family is the conventional mum and dad, or a single parent, or a same sex couple etc., is immaterial when it comes to people's happiness and success.


Of course, the findings have attracted criticism from those who still, erroneously, believe that the traditional family is the gold standard.  My own experience confirms the Cambridge results.  I have known many different types of families, and, fortunately, most were loving and supportive, and the children happy.  Besides, let us not forget that Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Mao Tse Tung and most monsters of history came from traditional families.


What matters, in terms of the adults' communication in a family, is their relationships with each other.  Children thrive when they know they are loved, but even more so when they are witness to and surrounded by loving relationships. Role models and their impact matter vitally, often subliminally.

Monday 9 March 2015

I must apologise to my readers for missing my 'Sunday sermon'.  Technical hitches with the blog site left me frustrated and unable to write a new post.  Thanks to my blog mentor, I have recovered my blog site.


Some very wise person said:
"Madness is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
Yet we are all victims of this.  It's a kind of stupidity, mixed with stubbornness, fear of change and lack of imagination.
When I see a parent shouting, yet again, at their child who is crying, yet again, I do want to ask the parent if it has ever occurred to them that their methods of dealing with their child's behaviour are not working and have they ever thought of trying a different approach.  When it comes to children, it is worse than madness to persist with unworkable methods.  It is positively harmful over a long period of time.


One of the best mothers I ever knew used to forestall saying 'No' to her children all the time by initiating enjoyable activities for them.  She didn't wait to scold them for licking out the bowl after making icing, she would hand them spoons and say "I want that bowl cleaned out!"  This had the effect of making her children restrained in their behaviour, and as such, delightful kids. It's a shame that there are not more parents like her.

Sunday 1 March 2015

In my blog, I occasionally mention that I have been a teacher of public speaking.  Going from teaching children to adults was, as a teaching friend put it:
"From conscripts to volunteers."
As the courses rolled on, I became more and more fascinated with the psychological and human aspects of public speaking.  In frequent global polls on phobias, public speaking consistently tops the list.  People fear spiders, snakes, even death less than speaking in public - which logically means that if you are delivering a eulogy at a funeral, you would prefer to be in the coffin!


The usual reasons given for people's fear of public speaking are:
"I'm shy."   Or
"I'm afraid of being humiliated."
These reasons sound perfectly human and understandable, but if we look closer, the underlying message is "I'm vain."
Being shy and being afraid of making a fool of oneself are excuses.  Public speakers are, in a supreme sense, messengers.  They are there to deliver a message, be it informative or persuasive.  Of course, it's natural to check one's appearance before speaking, but after that it is the speech and not the speaker that is important.
If a speaker drops his notes, or even falls off the podium, it is human and forgivable. Audiences often warm to a speaker if a blunder is dealt with in good humour.  The one thing that audiences cannot tolerate is when a speaker wastes their time, usually by the tedium of the content and delivery, or by telling an audience things they already know.


An amusing speaker once said:
"I don't mind if members of the audience look at their watches while I'm speaking, but I do mind if they tap them to see if they're still working!"